Today was a tough day. On good days, I get trapped in positive energy thinking it is going to be a certain way from here on out. Unfortunately, that's just not realistic. But we all need to be prepared for these days. We need to be able to get through them without curling up in a ball and crying. So, what can we do? For me it has been tough today because of my Intruder problem in my stomach caused by stress - not to mention the newly elected President of the free world.
Here are a couple of important things to remember when you are having one of those bad days:
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! The most important thing to remember. You are not the only person who has gone through this - and you won't be the last! You can get through it too. Stay on course. Make the decision that you need a day to cry and be sad, but tomorrow you are up and at it making positive choices. That way you can start to feel like you are more in control of your emotions. Allow yourself to feel. It's okay. That is what makes us human.
- Remember your support team. This one has been the hardest for me because my best friend is my husband. So that adds an extra void to fill. But I have a great group of friends and family who have been supportive from day one. Most of them are not in driving distance which causes a little dilemma, but I still have friends in the area. Rely on the people who want to be there for you.
- Have a good team of doctors, counselors and psychiatrists. Lets be honest. This is probably one of the hardest things that a person could go through. Without my counselors, I do not think I could get through this. It is nice to talk and to hear from someone else that this is not my fault. It is also helpful to not just put "band-aids" on problems. I want to fix whatever issues I have so they do not come back again in the future. I do not want to cover up the problem. I know going to counseling is hard for some of us. Even to just ask for help can be difficult when we are in a low state. But I am here to tell you to be open to it! Do not be afraid. Go and see how you feel. It could be life changing for you.
- Create a schedule ahead of time. It was recommended to me by someone on my support team to create a list of things to do when you are having a bad day. Just a simple chore list. Do this on a day you feel neutral and keep it prepared for the next time you struggle. Include normal daily tasks, for example make the bed, take a shower, eat, etc. Keep it simple. Only put things on this list that will help you function like a human. Nothing like clean out the garage! You want to have achievable tasks that will give you confidence in completion. Sometimes, it may even be beneficial to only look at one task a time. Then, give yourself a break. And when you are ready, take on the next one. Then, celebrate your wins. No matter how small it may seem. You got out of bed today! Be proud of yourself! I am proud of you.
- Cut yourself some slack. Your body is going through a crazy transition. It is fighting back at all the stress you are putting in it. So, listen to your body. For me, it has been hard to stand for a short period of time with out feeling weak/in pain from my Intruder and need to sit down. Be still and listen. What does your body need right now? A nap? More water? Something to eat? It may take time to quiet all the other emotions and be able to hear, but practice. I benefited from a nap today.
Another important thing I wanted to add is that despite everything that is going on, we must remember to love ourselves. The issues that my partner is going through does not reflect how I feel about myself. It is important to make sure you continue to do things that will help boost your self-esteem. And if you think that you are so low that you are not going to make it, there are resources out there for you.
Despite what your spouse may say, you are an amazing person. You are beautiful and a catch. Any person would be lucky to have you. It's time to get rid of the negative self-talk and replace it with new feelings. Love yourself. This is the one life we get. Enjoy it. And if you so happen to find a man and he makes you feel special again. Do not be afraid to move forward. But you must love yourself first. You may be asking, "But why doesn't he love me anymore?" Unfortunately, I can't answer that question, because that is the one I am going through myself. But we can't dwell on that. Can I control how he feels? No. Can I control how I feel? Yes. A mantra I used to live by, and need to get back to is, "People do not hurt my feelings. I let people hurt my feelings." Think about that every time you feel like your emotions are out of control.
There is no right or wrong answer to this. But you do want to come out of this feeling good about yourself. So, give yourself time and be patient. Deal with the emotions as they come.
Stay Positive and Pretty!!