Wednesday, November 9, 2016

It Can't All Be Rosy!

Let me do a disclaimer first:  I am not a psychologist.  All I am doing is explaining what has worked for me.  But seek out a licensed professional for any emergency situations. 

Today was a tough day.  On good days, I get trapped in positive energy thinking it is going to be a certain way from here on out.  Unfortunately, that's just not realistic.  But we all need to be prepared for these days.  We need to be able to get through them without curling up in a ball and crying.  So, what can we do? For me it has been tough today because of my Intruder problem in my stomach caused by stress - not to mention the newly elected President of the free world.

Here are a couple of important things to remember when you are having one of those bad days:

  • YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! The most important thing to remember.  You are not the only person who has gone through this - and you won't be the last!  You can get through it too.  Stay on course.  Make the decision that you need a day to cry and be sad, but tomorrow you are up and at it making positive choices.  That way you can start to feel like you are more in control of your emotions.  Allow yourself to feel.  It's okay.  That is what makes us human.  
  • Remember your support team.  This one has been the hardest for me because my best friend is my husband.  So that adds an extra void to fill.  But I have a great group of friends and family who have been supportive from day one.  Most of them are not in driving distance which causes a little dilemma, but I still have friends in the area.  Rely on the people who want to be there for you. 
  • Have a good team of doctors, counselors and psychiatrists.  Lets be honest.  This is probably one of the hardest things that a person could go through.  Without my counselors, I do not think I could get through this.  It is nice to talk and to hear from someone else that this is not my fault.  It is also helpful to not just put "band-aids" on problems.  I want to fix whatever issues I have so they do not come back again in the future.  I do not want to cover up the problem.  I know going to counseling is hard for some of us.  Even to just ask for help can be difficult when we are in a low state.  But I am here to tell you to be open to it! Do not be afraid.  Go and see how you feel.  It could be life changing for you. 
  • Create a schedule ahead of time.  It was recommended to me by someone on my support team to create a list of things to do when you are having a bad day.  Just a simple chore list.  Do this on a day you feel neutral and keep it prepared for the next time you struggle.  Include normal daily tasks, for example make the bed, take a shower, eat, etc.  Keep it simple.  Only put things on this list that will help you function like a human.  Nothing like clean out the garage! You want to have achievable tasks that will give you confidence in completion.  Sometimes, it may even be beneficial to only look at one task a time.  Then, give yourself a break.  And when you are ready, take on the next one.  Then, celebrate your wins.  No matter how small it may seem.  You got out of bed today!  Be proud of yourself!  I am proud of you. 
  • Cut yourself some slack.  Your body is going through a crazy transition.  It is fighting back at all the stress you are putting in it.  So, listen to your body.  For me, it has been hard to stand for a short period of time with out feeling weak/in pain from my Intruder and need to sit down.  Be still and listen.  What does your body need right now?  A nap?  More water?  Something to eat?  It may take time to quiet all the other emotions and be able to hear, but practice.  I benefited from a nap today.  
Another important thing I wanted to add is that despite everything that is going on, we must remember to love ourselves.  The issues that my partner is going through does not reflect how I feel about myself.  It is important to make sure you continue to do things that will help boost your self-esteem.  And if you think that you are so low that you are not going to make it, there are resources out there for you.  

Despite what your spouse may say, you are an amazing person.  You are beautiful and a catch.  Any person would be lucky to have you.  It's time to get rid of the negative self-talk and replace it with new feelings.  Love yourself.  This is the one life we get.  Enjoy it.  And if you so happen to find a man and he makes you feel special again.  Do not be afraid to move forward.  But you must love yourself first.  You may be asking, "But why doesn't he love me anymore?"  Unfortunately, I can't answer that question, because that is the one I am going through myself.  But we can't dwell on that.  Can I control how he feels?  No.  Can I control how I feel?  Yes.  A mantra I used to live by, and need to get back to is, "People do not hurt my feelings.  I let people hurt my feelings."  Think about that every time you feel like your emotions are out of control.  

There is no right or wrong answer to this.  But you do want to come out of this feeling good about yourself.  So, give yourself time and be patient.  Deal with the emotions as they come.  

Stay Positive and Pretty!!


Monday, November 7, 2016

Trying Something New

In an effort to distract myself from all the chaos, I have been advised by some great friends on some things to do.  Two of those things are to try new things and to spend more time outside.  I combined both yesterday.

I decided to go on a little hike.  There is a Forest Park about 15 minutes away from where I live.  I looked on the park map and saw that there was a spot with a creek.  I wanted to go there.  

Before I left, the Intruder tried to keep me at home.  "Just go lay in bed. You don't feel good enough to go."  I chose not to listen, but I did consider staying home for a time.  

I began my hike and it was quiet and beautiful.  Seeing all the colored leaves, feeling them crunch beneath my feet.  I was eventually interrupted by a phone call I should have never taken.  But I did and it pulled me out of nature and back into stress mode.  I told him it did not ruin my hike, but that was not true.  It had turned my mood slightly sour.  Moral here - leave your phone in the car. 

But I made my way down the path and found my creek with the baby waterfall.  There was a huge rock that I sat on and just listened to the water.  It was a very peaceful place to be.  I decided that I want this to be my special place.  The place I can go to be alone.  Away from anyone who would want to try and bring down my positive energy.  

I would have stayed there longer but the sun was going down and I had a mile long path to walk back and was really hoping I would not get lost.  This was a real concern for a time! 

It is really easy for someone's negative energy to eat away your positive.  Only surround yourself with people who are positive and people you want to be like.  Cut as much of that toxic out of your life as fast as you can.  

Remember to take a picture of yourself and use the hashtag: #PositiveAndPretty

Stay Positive and Pretty!


Sunday, November 6, 2016

My Story

It has been a tough road.  I am currently standing at a crossroads in my marriage.  It has been a rocky and we are at a point where we do not know if this can continue.  Which has left a pit in my stomach! We have been going back and forth for months; wondering what we were fighting for.  All that raw emotion finally came to a head and we both exploded.  We both said and did somethings that were not based on rational thought-just pure emotion.  Here is where the stress plays a key role in my life.  It has manifested itself as a nasty little creature in my stomach that punches the inside of my guts.  We will call him the Intruder.  The first couple of days, I let the Intruder get the best of me.  I did not want to get out of bed because I felt so sick all the time.  My thoughts were constantly burdened by what was happening.  I felt so out of control.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through.  I never imagined on my wedding day that we would end up resenting each other a few short years later.  I married this man because I was in love with him, he was in love with me and we were happy.

We met and had an instant connection.  I had never felt so amazing in my whole life.  We couldn't get enough of each other.  It was like magic.  Yes we have had our issues, like every other couple, but there was no one else I ever could imagine myself with.  He was exactly what I was waiting for.  And for a period of time, I was extremely happy.

We eventually had to relocate to a different part of the country for his work.  It was really fun at first. Being in a new town, meeting new people and what not.  But overtime, it became overwhelming to me.  I started to miss my family and his family and the life that we had started to create back in our hometown.  I tried to stay focused, but I allowed the first Intruder in-doubt. It was doubt about whether we had made the right decision to move and whether we were right for each other.  There were a lot of conflicting emotions going through my head.  The honeymoon phase was wearing off.

Eventually, we had moved forward and began trying to start a family.  This was a lot harder than movies explain.  Where is the movie explaining you really only have two days in your cycle for it to work?!  This led to months and months of disappointment and eventual giving up.  I became deeply depressed.  I began to push my husband away and he was walking away from me.  I became a shell.  You could see my body, but my spirit wasn't in it.  I struggled to get out of bed, do normal day to day chores and take care of myself.  Somewhere in here, we stopped communicating.

A few months ago, my sister took me to a tarot reader for the first time.  It was the most amazing experience for me.  It isn't like she told me something I didn't already know, but it felt so positive and strong.  This is the day my life changed.  I woke up.  I was no longer walking around, shell of a human being.  My spirit was back-I was back.  Ready and able to finally live.  Unbeknownst to me, my husband had sought joy elsewhere.  He was no longer the man I met all those years ago.  He was no longer the man I married.  He was someone else I did not feel like I knew.

So there I was. Feeling a hundred emotions at once.  The Intruder in my stomach came in and I let my husband treat me a way I would have never allowed before.  I have been so caught up in saving my marriage that I haven't asked if my marriage was worth saving.

I was eventually asked, "When are you going to take control back?" Which struck a chord with me.  I was feeling so out of control because I wasn't doing anything.  I was letting the Intruder come in and eat what was left of me.  So I decided that I needed to do something.

My best friend on the planet was told by a strong and powerful woman that the most important thing to do is to get out of bed everyday, do your hair and do your make-up.  This way you can see how beautiful you are every single day.  That is when Positive and Pretty popped into my head.  I was going to do this one thing everyday, take a picture and post on Facebook.  It made me feel powerful.

I have been fighting to keep our marriage afloat.  I just woke up!  I want to experience my marriage as I haven't in my shell state.  But it is hard to fight for something not both parties want.  So here I am.  Spilling my heart out to the world, hoping that this will resonate with someone.

Over time, I want to share with you how I am getting through this state.  I want to share with you how I am distracting myself and how I am helping to better myself.  I hope you will come on this journey with me.

Stay Positive and Pretty!


Hello World!

Thanks for stopping by! I am starting this blog because I am going through a transition in my life.  I am at a place where I no longer want to keep the negative in my body and soul.  I want to push through all the stress and anxiety and pursue my goals and dreams!! I am sharing my personal experience in hopes that it may be comforting for others to know they are not alone.

Stay strong out there!

Stay Positive and Pretty!